The Calling
by
Michele Angelique
I do not know what it is, but my recent
introduction to the transgender community has
sparked some truly amazing feelings in me. I am
a passionate person in general, but no single
other thing in my life experience has ever
grabbed my attention with such undeniable
magnetism, such pure force, that it feels almost
divinely inspired. I am compelled to make a
positive contribution to the transgender cause,
though I can not explain why I feel so strongly
inclined. I can only try to tell you what is
motivating me.
My writings to date are the tip of the iceberg
of what has been welling up inside of me, there
is so much that waiting to burst through to the
written word. From the very first moment I
interacted with a tgirl (in person or
otherwise), in March 2005, I was captivated. I
joined URNA in April and found all of you, each
so special and beautiful in your own right, and
yet so under-represented. I am positively blown
away to find so many extraordinary, talented,
intelligent, kind-hearted people all together in
one group.
Yin spirits in yang bodies, you are brilliant in
my eyes. You are nothing like the negative
stereotypes that society sees. Yet my heart
breaks at the realization that you are trapped,
like beautiful caged birds, not so much by your
bodies but by social oppression. The injustice
of your plight overwhelms me, and I am driven by
the desire to help you, to do whatever I can to
emancipate you.
It seems to me that a minor shift in perception
is all that is needed to trigger widespread
acceptance of transgenderism. If others could
see as I see, there would be no more lonely
tgirls. I see so many obvious merits to the
feminine evolution of man, so many points of
understanding I want to communicate, yet I have
been holding back these thoughts. I have been
trying to block them out of my mind, but without
success. I know this could consume me if I let
it. I fear that if I open the floodgate and let
it start pouring out, how will I focus on my
successful but demanding career which has been
10 years in the making? Am I ready to start from
scratch?
I
look at what is more important, more fulfilling,
in terms of life goals and I wonder: is this
corporate finance career I have made simply a
distraction from my true purpose of making a
difference in this world? Yet if I am to move
forward on a larger goal of openly dedicating
myself to helping create new understanding of
transgender identity, my finance career will not
survive. These are mutually exclusive life
paths, and I am standing at the fork in the
road. If I want to climb the corporate ladder, I
can not risk putting myself on a site like
URNotAlone. I am easy to recognize so I could
not live a double-life. All forms of
discrimination are rampant in the upper ranks of
the old wasp boys club finance/investment world,
and to succeed in that world it would be
necessary to maintain the status quo in all
aspects of my life.
Being honest with myself heralds the realization
that the status quo would be a waste of my
precious human life. The beauty is, it is not
too late for me to forge a new path, one that is
more meaningful and important than spending my
days working to make money for greedy strangers.
I have pursued the field of finance not because
I love money, but so that I may one day be in a
financial position to fulfill my philanthropic
dreams. My largest goal in life has always been
to somehow make a positive difference. I am
coming to realize that my present path may be
the long way around. I have always been
entrepreneurial, willing to take risks, and I
know that this new path must be driven by a leap
of faith. It just feels more right to me than
anything I have felt before.
What I am feeling is not grounded in logic. I
know I will suffer short term losses in pursuit
of longer term gains for others, but it is what
I must do. It feels as though a larger force is
tapping me on the shoulder, calling upon me to
deliver a message that is more important than
anything else I could ever do. I want to do
whatever is in my power to help you to cast off
your shackles, unlock your closet doors and
reclaim your true identities. This might sound
grandiose, but all change starts somewhere, why
not here? As Lao Tzu says, even a journey of a
thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Whatever progress we make here as a group will
help to pave the way for the coming generations
of transgendered people. You do not have to come
out of the closet to make a valuable
contribution to this cause. If through our
united expression, we can work against the
negative stereotypes, and produce even a glimmer
of positive understanding from society at large,
life will get easier for all of you.
I
have decided to trust my instinct, follow my
heart, and dedicate myself to your beautiful
path. I can not explain what force has guided my
ship to your shoreline, all I know is it is made
of pure intention and based on love. I am here
with you to stay, and will contribute my
abilities, resources and time to making a better
world for you.
Thank you all for welcoming me with open arms.
 
Jenna Taylor said...
Let me be the first to leave a
comment. Because no reply to this post
is necessary.
Michele, I love you. Your warmth and
empathy, love and support ooze from
your text like honey from the hive.
This
higher calling is one I too have felt.
I gave up a successful career in
finance also, to spend more time
available to help others. Mostly local
girls.
Thank you for your contributions and
may God Bless your path. |
Marlena Dahlstrom said...
I wish I could share your optimism
that only a minor shift in perception
is needed to trigger widespread
acceptance.
So
that make me all the more filled with
love that someone would make a
personal sacrifice on our behalf. The
dilemma you faced is one that we've
all wrestled with, so I know it's not
a decision made lightly. |
Shannon said...
First of all, let me say thank you.
Thank you for the love you've shown
our little subculture, thank you for
bringing all your strength and insight
to bear upon it, and thank you just
for being you! It is appreciated.
*kiss*
I
know this was a tough decision for
you. There is risk in accepting who
you are; we've all been smacked in the
face with that. But this is a path you
*must* follow. I'm glad I don't have
to tell you that, because you've
discovered it for yourself. And isn't
that the best source of all.
|
Victoria Derhen said...
Michelle, I admire you even more for
your commitment to take such a stand.
And I thank you for what you've done
already, if just for organizing this
blog (even though I know it goes much
further than that) that brought out
such amazing insights from the
contributors. I may be able to give up
therapy soon :)
I
know we girls would take up a
collection to tide you over for a
while, but with the declining US$ and
all, I have a feeling the total
wouldn't come near to your corporate
compensation ;) |
Stacie Ku
said...
If
you travel the path you feel destined
to travel, you will need to support
yourself and there in lays the rub.
Most of us are not independently
wealthy so we have to make a living.
This
may sound crazy, but perhaps our paths
were destined to cross because I might
have a solution for you.
One
of the reasons I responded to your
initial post in the genetic women who
love crossdressers group was your use
of Yin & Yang to describe feminine and
masculine energy. That was not
something I expected and told me you
are a thinker, that you studied or at
least read about Chinese philosophy
and thought.
Your
reference of Lao Tzu and the use of a
nautical metaphor for ending up on the
shores of 'trannyland' in this post
only reinforces my feeling that I was
right to respond to your post.
You
are one of the few people I've met, to
talk about Yin and Yang and/or Lao
Tzu. (I first read Lao Tzu in the
early 70's but had not picked it up in
the last few years.) Your nautical
metaphor also struck home because I
spent over 20 years in the US Navy.
Whatever the outcome, I'm glad to be
part of your blog. Thank you. Let me
close by paraphrasing something from
Zen Buddhism - What is gender? The
mind is gender!
Love
to all of you. |
Renaiya
Jesson
said... There simply aren't
words for me to express the effect you
have on my life. The long
conversations we have given me a fresh
perspective. Your understanding and
willingness to grow along side of me
as a person inspire me to be the best
woman I can be. Your affection reminds
me to love myself. I doubt I will ever
be able to show my full gratitude.
Much love, meow... |
Dee Femina said...
You are a truly amazing person. There
is nothing more rewarding than
pursuing one's calling instead of the
constant chase after money and status.
And off course I absolutely admire and
love you for taking up our cause (I
feel a similar calling, but that's
another topic).
HOWEVER, I must sound a word of
warning. And this is going to go
contrary to all the other comments.
The
warning is that we as t-girls are or
can be inclined to disappoint or let
people down. Not because we are bad
people, but because our lives can be
so complicated.
So
carefully think about this and know
that we may disappoint you at times or
even often. You may be ready to take
on the world, and that's wonderful,
but when you look behind you to see
where we are in support, you may find
many (or most) of us missing and in
hiding.
I'm
only saying this because I don't want
you to get hurt or disappointed.
Have
you read "My Husband Betty" by Helen
Boyd?
You
should! Helen is a journalist (in NYC)
and she is married to a t-girl. She is
actively and fairly publicly working
in the field of your Calling. Have a
look at http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/
.
Helen can be fairly direct in some of
her views about us. In some way she
doesn't believe we are a worthy cause
because we aren't prepared to stand up
for ourselves. And you know what, I
tend to agree with her.
So
sweetness, read "My Husband Betty",
talk to Helen Boyd, maybe talk to my
friend Cyanne as well (she has much
much in common with you)....and then
think some more about all of this. And
only then decide whether this is a
cause you want to throw yourself into
or whether you should continue to
search for that cause that will bring
true meaning to your life. |
Alexis Rene said...
Wow!!! If this is just the tip of the
iceberg of what you have been feeling
inside... I can't wait to read
more...It is getting like an addiction
here when I see you have wrote
something new.:)
K as
someone else noted no reply is
"necessary" to what you have wrote,
While true, I am tossing in my 2
cents.....
I
see things in two different lights...
One
is what Dee wrote...My first comment
when I saw this posting a few days ago
was going to head into that very
direction.... But you already know the
perfect and the imperfect nature of
all of this.
As I
am sure you have already made and lost
friends who were there, then gone as
suddenly as they appeared. Some as
they went back into reclusiveness and
denial. It happens sadly and
abruptly.:( <~ I know cause I did it a
few years back so feel I can say it
out loud.
You
are the only one who knows where the
balance of it all lies for you.
The
other point is the magic of your whole
story lies in just three little
words..."Leap of Faith".
Within that is where all the "magic"
is held. In my view you took that leap
by posting a profile at URNA with a
picture, You took that leap while
engaging in the ratings thingy, with
great success I might add!
Additionally by posting here all the
while becoming so much more of a
prolific persona....Some never find
that calling in which to leap towards
and live within the mundanes of a
ho-hum life.
So
you have already proven that you have
the wings to fly. I knew you were
hiding them somewhere Angel! :) Keep
your faith girl and you will land on
your feet every time.
If
there is anyway we can help or do
anything just say the word.
|
Arianne Travis said...
All I can add that wasn't already said
is;
Oscar Wilde once wrote "I put all my
genius into my life; I put only my
talent into my works."
You
could certainly start by writing a
book. ;o)
But
he also said "It is better to have a
permanent income than to be
fascinating"...
Life
is all about choices isn't it.
Whomever holds your hand through this
journey will be the happiest person on
earth.
With
love, awe and admiration |
Karen Reeves said...
Michele, so much of life is a crossroads.
It's the fork in the road, the wonder
of the "path not taken".
In
our world society success is measure
by financial gain. If you have a large
salary you are a so called "winner".
If your salary is low you are a
"loser".
Sadly success is not measured by
bettering the world, by helping
others. Money spent to improve the
future lags while we seek immediate
gratification. A pro football player
earns many times the yearly salary of
a nurse or teacher. Martha Stewart
becomes a convicted felon and gains a
new television show.
Michele, you have looked into the
crystal ball and decided $$$ is NOT an
ends in and of itself. The holy dollar
is not enough.
The
betterment of the human condition is
your goal. How inspiring, how
uplifting, how simply dignified and
truly honest !
I
totally admire you and respect you !
How many have caved in to the language
of monetary greed ?
I
bow my head to you in ultimate respect
and admiration. Thank you for
supporting us Tgirls and reaffirming
our existence.
You
are an inspiration ! Hopefully others
out there will see the light and
follow your beacon. For me it's a
beacon of hope for a better world.
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